(We got you an oldie video at the bottom of this posting too!)
Missy Buchanan: Mighty fine writer on aging
Missy Buchanan, a mighty fine author and blogger who specializes in issues involving faith and aging (see capsule bio at the bottom here), once listed her “Top 10 excuses” Christians give for not visiting the elderly, which I’m posting here.
Mind you, these are excuses Christians give.
Excuses, yes, that even some preachers give. They’re all about preaching and leading the church, but get as uncomfortable as the next happy Christian visiting the elderly or, for that matter, the sick.
I think a list of the 10 excuses for not visiting the sick and dying, especially in a hospital, would very closely parallel Missy’s list of reasons for avoiding the elderly.
In my hospital ministry, it’s not at all unusual for there to be a patient who has some relative or close friend or loved one who will refuse to come visit because “I don’t like hospitals.”
My response is typically, “Ask {the loved one} for me who in the world likes being at a hospital. I sure don’t.”
You’d be surprised at how many people you can shame into coming to visit Aunt Bee or whoever it is.
Not that those that I’ve shamed into coming to visit always like me when they meet me, for having shamed them, but anybody who wants everybody to like them stands in need of a reality check anyway, or maybe therapy. Not that I’m saying I’m a saintly man of biblical proportions, but Jesus and Paul and Moses and so many others in your Holy Bible weren’t about being liked by everybody all the time.
But I digress.
I don’t like being at the hospital, and sure didn’t like being at nursing homes when I was a hospice chaplain, but being present with someone who is sick or dying or yielding to the often ugly ravages of old age is not about me.
And your visiting a loved one in a hospital or nursing home is not about you.
It’s about the one laid low by illness or injury or aging or dying. It’s about being with the other loved ones in that setting in order to contribute to the love and grace to the one laid low.
Of course you’d rather be at home watching the Cowboys on your 4,000 inch wide-screen, HD TV (me too, today, in fact) because you don’t like going to a depressing hospital and sure don’t like depressing nursing homes.
Or, of course you’d rather go shopping because you can’t bear to go to the hospital or nursing home and watch mom, dad or Aunt Bee or, whoever it is, yielding to old age or disease (especially at this time of year).
Look, if you don’t know what to say, just stand there and look pretty. Or handsome.
But what you do is, just do it. Just get up and go visit the one you love or care about and be present.
Because, for God and heaven’s sake, it’s not about usted.
And BTW, we also got a sad but beautiful oldie from Roy Clark for you in this posting. The many newcomers here at JFJ need to know that here at JFJ, you take the sad postings and videos with the happy, and we give you plenty good happy stuff here. come back to see us now, hear?.
Top Ten Excuses Christians Give for Not Visiting the Elderly
August 23, 2009
By Missy Buchanan
While standing in line at a store recently, I overheard a conversation between two middle-aged women. I couldn’t help but notice that each wore a cross around her neck. Though I didn’t know them personally, my ears really perked up when they started talking about their great-uncle who lived in a nursing home.
“I just can’t do it,” said one sister in frustration.
The other rolled her eyes and responded, “But if I have to visit him, I’ll be depressed for the rest of the week.”
It was a conversation that made me sad for the elderly uncle, but also for the countless other persons who feel the same way as these two women. It got me to thinking about the reasons Christians, both pastors and lay persons, give for not visiting frail older adults, including their own family members.
I began to write down the excuses I have heard personally. Next, I asked the Twitter community to respond with excuses they had heard or had given themselves. Finally, I grouped similar responses into a top-ten list. So, with a special hat-tip to David Letterman, here are the not-so-funny excuses Christians give for not visiting the elderly.
10. “Why should I? All my life, my mother has criticized me. Nothing’s going to change now that she’s old. It’s better for both of us if I just stay away.”
9. “I don’t know what to do when I visit an elderly person. It’s so awkward to just sit and look at each other.”
8. “I don’t have the time. I’ve got a family; I work full-time. Then there’s Sunday School lessons, choir practice and church meetings.”
7. “Other people from my church already visit the elderly.”
6. “But I go Christmas caroling at a nursing home each year.”
5. “I didn’t even know Mrs. Jones was in a nursing home.”
4. “I work with the youth.”
3. “It’s just too sad.”
2. “Visiting the elderly is not my gift.”
1. “Seeing old people struggle reminds me that I may be like that one day.”
Missy Buchanan is author of Living with Purpose in a Worn-out Body: Spiritual Encouragement for Older Adults (Upper Room) and Columnist, Aging Well, United Methodist Reporter
Please go to her mighty fine Web site at: http://www.missybuchanan.com.
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