Jitterbugging for Jesus

So I like my Christmas tree so much that I’m thinking of keeping it up all year, or until all its lights burn out, whichever comes first.

And yet all my expat friends who have seen it–they who obviously have no taste–have all been a trifle horrified by it. They seem to think it’s the ugliest Christmas tree they’ve ever seen, which goes to show–their taste is all in their big mouths.

I was especially hurt by the Canadian expat couple Jamie and Barb–whom I considered such good friends once–who walked in the door of my home, took one look at my Christmas tree, and started pointing at it and laughing their arses off. (And they came over at night when the tree is even prettier than it appears in this daytime picture. In fact it’s much prettier in the dark.)

It’s as if Canada came over to declare War on My Christmas–right in my own home. And to think I invited them over for my Belizean Rum Egg Nog! They were much, uh, higher on it than my tree, btw.

Lucky for them I’m all about the forgiveness of God and I pray that He/She will forgive them for me.

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I paid $16 U.S. for this tree–and $13 for the decorations–at my neighborhood Chinese grocery store (Chinese-Belizeans are big on purple Christmas decorations, Belize me). I asked if they had any gold decorations that glitter but their English isn’t so good. (They directed me to the toilet paper.)

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My Canadian friend Barb said she and husband Jamie (may the good Lord forgive them) saw a store here in Belize that sells mustard-colored Christmas tree balls that come with mustard-colored hooks! She thought they were the most hideous Christmas balls and hooks she’d ever seen (this was before she saw my tree).

She has promised to buy me some mustard Christmas balls and hooks next Christmas as a peace offering for her laughing and making fun of my tree as she enjoyed my Rum Egg Nog in my home. (I could have said something tacky to these Canadian friends about that whacky Toronto mayor but I took the high ground.)

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So you can see that I spared no expense for this tree and the decor on it, except for something to top it off. I plan to buy a star or something to put on top of it next year, but it wasn’t in the budget this year because of Egg Nog expenditures.

So tell me what you think, Jitterbuggers. How would you describe my extravagant Christmas tree (which I decorated all by myself to what I consider to be such perfection if I may say so):

1. Simply beautiful! (Or, as they say in Texas Our Texas, “Real purty!)

2. Simply hideous (as my so-called American and Canadian “friends” seem to think).

3. Charming.

4. Charming in a tacky way (or maybe charming with a flourishing touch of tack?).

5. It has “character.”

6. It’s uglier than a Duck Dynasty beard.

7. It’s laughable.

8. It’s laughably ugly.

9. It should be thrown away immediately.

10. Burn it down before it multiplies.

11. It should be preserved for the ages in a Canadian Christmas Museum.

Be honest and if you think my tree is laughably ugly or something like that, you won’t hurt my feelings one little bit whatsoever much.

Happy Holidays.

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*And if you’re wondering, that’s a Mayan Santa piñata in the picture.

Who said Santa is white?