I’ll take you on trails off this road, 10 minutes from my home, for a day of “bathing” for the bargain price of $300 per person! (Multiple tree hugs extra.)
I read an article the other day about tour-guided forest bathing being all the racket–uh, rage.
People are paying serious dollars for tour guides to take them into the deep woods to “bathe” in God’s good green creation.
Originally known as shinrin-yoku, which translates to “taking in the forest atmosphere,” forest bathing began in Japan in the 1980s.
Forest bathing: It’s all the rage.
The upside is, “taking in the forest atmosphere” has been been linked to health benefits ranging from reduced blood pressure and stress levels to boosted immunity.
Which explains why I have good BP readings and a strong immune system: I’ve been bathing in Belizean greenery every day, sometimes two or three times a day, for years now.
Anyway, I read that for one day of “taking in the forest atmosphere,” forest bathing guides are charging as much as $350 a day–per person–apparently to take urbanites with no good sense and way too much money for a walk in the woods.
So I’m here today to announce that I’m going into business. For the bargain price of only $300 a day per person, plus a big free supper at the end of the day, I’ll walk you through a beautiful wild rainforest or just a plain, old-fashioned forest-forest in Belize. We have both varieties here.
Add an extra 10 percent for a sun bath and 12 percent for every three trees hugged. No charge for quick dips in Belize’s many healing rivers, streams and natural pools. (Swim suits not required; this is a semi- or all-natural dip.)
Call now. My operators are standing by to take your call.
Jitterbugging for Jesus 
I helped a guy take a shower at Tent City one time. He tied a tarp and a sheet to the fence, but needed a guy to hold the other end for privacy; after all, we are talking 13th street. Granted, it’s the part of 13th where UPS keeps their big rigs, so it’s not like there were children or average public walking by. But still, industrial people doing industrial things might happen by, so he needed to protect privacy.
I must say, we didn’t have a forest feature. Perhaps that accounts for how cheap my services were.
Still, the guy told me about the forest out back of Walmart in Beaumont where he rigged his shower and didn’t need a tarp or sheet at all….
Ha. They do get resourceful.