Breaking News!!!!
News Central has obtained the blessing that President Trump — a devout Christian known to bless every meal with a prayer as an example to his young son and all the impressionable youth of America — prayed over the hamberders and pizza he served to the champion football players from Clemson University this week.
“Almighty Dollar, hear this amazing prayer of mine.”
Almighty Dollar,
May these young athletes be ever grateful to me for paying $5,000 out of my own pocket to feed them all this great shit-for-food today.
May it be to the nourishment of their amazing athletic bodies and may they all grow up to be amazingly rich with very high IQs like I have.
Almighty Dollar, hear this amazing prayer.
Dollar,
Deliver us from healthy food nannies like Michelle Obama, a black woman, a evil black woman and very low IQ individual, who once had that evil healthy food campaign and planted healthy foods in a garden on the White House lawn.
Bring your power, which is almost as great as mine, to bear on the hamburger and pizza garden my beloved First Lady Ivanka (who’s as hot as any cheerleaders at Clemson, am I right kids?) in place of all that health food that nobody wants to eat. Am I right nobody wants to eat that healthy crap? I think so. I’m always right, right Dollar?
Almighty Dollar, this is a great, great prayer. Hear it. That’s an order.”
“Almighty Dollar, let my Berder and Pizza garden grow to be as great as I am.”
And Almighty Dollar, I know I’m going to be criticized for giving a few junk-food chains billions of dollars in free advertising by all the other junk-food chains contributing to the further sickness of the 100 MILLION Americans suffering from diabetes or living with pre-diabetes.
They can all kiss my big fat salami. Democrats, too. They can all go eat shit and die. I’m sick of em. Aren’t you sick of em kids? Yeah, I know you amazing athletes are sick of em like I am.
Almighty Dollar, hear this fantastic prayer.
That’s all I have to say, Almighty Dollar. We’re going to stuff ourselves with some man food now, am I right kids???? We men need man food.
Am I amazing or what?
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