Jitterbugging for Jesus

For example, we all know that He/She loves the rich and privileged people of the world.

We all know that God despises the poor and powerless. This is because they are a drag on society. They don’t have the initiative that God gives all human beings to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and make something of themselves by making all the money they can and piling up all the consumer goods they can possibly accumulate.

God’s will is for human beings to be nothing less than well-to-do, to have spacious houses with two- or three-car garages, nice cars, lots of car-wash coupons, swimming pools, ridiculously green, shady, bug-free, manicured lawns, and lavish birthday parties for the children and grandchildren.

Once a person has succeeded in making good money and having lots of great stuff, that person is expected by God to go for more, to attain all the wealth possible.

God wants us to aim high, to seek to be Uber-rich! To be so tax-relieved by our wealth as to not pay any taxes whatsoever!

God knows that paying taxes is for suckers! It’s for losers.

And if there is anything God hates, it’s losers.

And we all know that the poor are losers, by-God — lazy and shiftless and living like rats in rat nests.

We know these things about God because, as the Bible says, “God helps those who help themselves!”***

And so, ask yourself today this question:

Is there something I’m not doing that I could do starting today, starting right now, to make more money to buy more cool stuff?

Remember, God loves the rich. And the richer you get, the more God will love you.

TRUTH ALERT!

***TRUTH ALERT HERE: Contrary to the popular belief of so many Christians who talk about the Bible and read only the parts they like, nowhere in the Holy Book is it writ that God helps those who help themselves. It is good for people to take responsibility for themselves to the extent that they can, of course; but the truth is that God expects the haves to help the have-nots, not only with material help but by treating them with the common dignity that all human beings deserve. As Dr. King said, “It’s a cruel thing to tell a man to lift himself up by the bootstraps when he has no boots.”