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Posts Tagged ‘Male Bonding’

Golf was never meant to be this ugly

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As promised, here’s a quick look at Charles Barkley’s hideously ugly and terrifying golf swing with analysis.
As you can see, he is about to hurt himself real bad here, but fortunately, Sir Charles, being the big strong former NBA athlete and mighty man that he is has never yet broken a wrist, arm, leg or hip in his downswing, nor has he thrown a shoulder out of socket, miraculously.
But as you can see, he is a danger to himself every time he swings the club.
I’m a lifelong golfer and student of the game and I can tell you that, to the trained golf eye, there is nothing in the world more beautiful to gaze upon than a beautiful, fluid golf swing, although, I never tire of gazing at the beauty of dazzling sunsets, ducks in flight, Charlize Theron, Catherine Zeta-Jones, endless blue oceans and certain other stuff like that.
However, watching the easy, grace-filled swing of, say, Freddie Couples, who’s fast getting old like me but still has the most beautiful God-given golf swing ever in my humble opinion, is something to behold. A real work of art.
But then you have the beauty of the Tigerman’s swing, which is like watching a bullet train speed through the French countryside–so lightning fast and powerful and yet shimmering like a silver train in the sun.
And so, all that said, when you watch Charles Barkley swing the golf club, you want to throw up.
And just might.
It’s as if he took his clubs on a hike through the ugly forest and hit every tree and now, every time he picks up one of those clubs, ugly just breaks out all around.
Many golf writers have used colorful language to describe the swing and the danger of it too.
I forget which great writer wrote, “Once Barkley’s ball takes off in its erratic flight, you’ll want to be a good two zip codes away for your own safety.”
As we said yesterday here, Sir Charles–who by the way was nicknamed Sir Charles long before Paul McCartney was actually beknighted by the Queen or whoever of England and actually became a genuine Sir–is every guy’s favorite guy, the one cool guy and great athlete we’d all like to male bond with, although Freddie Couples is way cool and you’ll never meet a golf guy who wouldn’t want to hang with Freddie in the clubhouse who despite his age is ageless and a great racontuer.
We have to point out that yes, Tiger has got all the male-man cool in the world and we guys all really like him a lot but he’s a little too much on the serious side for much real male bonding for most guys to really want to hang out with Tiger and just not funny like Sir Charles or entertaining and a great raconteur like Freddie.
Although, even Tiger has gotten off some hilarious imitations of Sir Charles’ hideously ugly golf swing, if you can call that a swing, incidentally.
Now I’d hang with Sir Paul who’s so genuine and down to earth and always so grace-filled for a guy who’s got $7.8 Billion dollars in the bank (“I’m just an old hippie,” he told Larry King. Right, Paul) and we’ll have more on that in our Open Letter to Sir Paul later at jitterbuggingforjesus.com where guys like to come hang out and women like to visit and email me thinking they’ll have a shot at scoring a night at the Sir Paul gig with me but they need to pony up the $100 lottery tickets for that and do it today–this is the last call–or I take my 18 year old daughter who thinks Paul McCartney is just some old man like dad who was married to that Heather on Dancing with the Stars.
As Sir Charles would say, “That’s a terrble thought; just a terrable thought to take your 18 year old daughter to see a Beatle, man.”
Terrble indeed but I really don’t want to have to take my imaginary friend, who can’t drive me to the new Jerry Jones Palace for the big show.
I think I’ve said enough.

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Tiger! Tiger! Burning Bright! (Again!)

Bridgestone Invitational Golf

Another day, another championship, another record, ho-hum.
Where will it all end?
AKRON, Ohio (AP)—First came another signature moment from Tiger Woods, an 8-iron over the water that stopped a foot from the hole. Even more stunning was the meltdown that followed by Padraig Harrington.

A swift and shocking turn of events on Firestone’s famous 16th hole took Woods went from one shot behind to a four-shot victory Sunday as he closed with a 5-under 65 to win the Bridgestone Invitational.

It was his 16th victory in the World Golf Championship series, and the world’s No. 1 player now goes to the PGA Championship next week at Hazeltine with two straight victories after missing the cut last month in the British Open.

After nearly four hours in the tough battle that Harrington expected, the Irishman let it slip away.

Woods left himself some 170 yards over the water, and his 8-iron landed near the pin and rolled back a foot away. Harrington hit from the collar of a bunker over the 16th green, but his delicate flop shot from behind the green came out hot and went into the water.

He wound up with a triple bogey and closed with a 3-over 73 to share second place with Robert Allenby, who had a 66.

The par-5 16th is the most famous hole at Firestone, given the nickname “The Monster” years ago by Arnold Palmer.

“I took 6 and 8 the last two days, so I certainly think it was a monster,” Harrington said.

Woods, who has won the Bridgestone Invitational seven times in 10 starts and has never finished out of the top five, closed out his remarkable afternoon in style with a 6-foot birdie putt.

It was the 70th victory of his PGA Tour career, three behind Jack Nicklaus in second place. Sam Snead (82) holds th

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Letterman and his boy Harry

Letterman and his boy Harry

Dave Matthews is on Dave Letterman tonight, two guys who’d definitely do to walk the river with, and Harry Letterman too.

Here’s a Dave Letterman Top 10 List I like, I like it a lot (Top 10 Things Overheard at Sarah Palin’s Farewell Party):

“More tiny hot dog appetizers? You betcha”

“Don’t forget to schedule an appointment with Joe the Mover”

“Quiet down! We don’t want to wake the Russians”

“Todd, I’ve always wanted to know — what do you do exactly?”

“John McCain passed out in the dip”

“Where can I check my pelt?”

“Bad news — the new governor just quit”

“Please accept this gift from all of us at Lenscrafters”

“‘Dancing with the Stars’ called, they got your resume”

“I haven’t seen you since the ‘Fire Dave Letterman’ Rally”

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Mick

Mick

I’m thinking Mick looks incredibly good for a guy who was up all night for about a hundred years.
Tom Wolfe once said, “The Beatles wanna hold your daughter’s hand.
The Rolling Stones wanna burn down your town.”

This must have been written before “Helter Skelter” (that’s sweet and gentle “Eleanor Rigby” “Yesterday” “Michelle” Paul screaming out all that Helter and Skelter!). That out-Stoned the Stones, but then . . . . your Beatles and Paul rarely got that wall-eyed wild and menacing.
Wall-eyed wild and menacing: That’s Mick’s signature.
Or was. Everybody mellows with time and age.
Yes, even Keith, whose face I don’t want to post here for fear it might frighten people unfamiliar with what he looks like after staying up all night for a hundred years, and then some.

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Aging golfers defying the aging process

Him

Him

Sorry I got to see none of the Brit Open, Tom, but thank you from all of us 59 and up.

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